


Night - Pretense

by Mercury Starlight (WoolandWater)



Series: The Young Ones - Love & Mobsters [7]
Category: The Young Ones (TV 1982)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Post-Canon, Confusion, Exhibitionism, Explicit Language, Funny, Het and Slash, M/M, Obliviousness, Sneaking, Voyeurism, handjob, indifference, makeout room
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-28
Updated: 2014-06-28
Packaged: 2018-02-06 14:27:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1861332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WoolandWater/pseuds/Mercury%20Starlight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Timeline: April 1985</p><p>After nearly seven months of sleeping together with great frequency, Rick and Vyvyan insist on continuing to sneak around, oblivious to the fact that Neil and Mike are physically incapable of giving any less of a shit.</p><p>Fun and funny, with a bit of (unintentional when I'd started) "wow, that was very sexy" in the middle.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Night - Pretense

**Author's Note:**

> This fic has been author-edited for typos and grammar, but has NOT been beta'd!

**_Saturday, 6 April_ **

_It's becoming increasingly difficult to hide TWV from the others. It always seems like one or the other or both of them are right around the corner. We've ended up holed-up in my room more times than I can count. Still, it's important to try, I can't imagine the fallout if they were to find out. Neil already caught us once, but I'm hoping he's forgotten about it by now. He certainly couldn't possibly know we're still doing it, we've been too careful. No idea what Mike knows, who can tell what he knows about anything, but I'm pretty sure if he knew about us we'd both be out on the street. He doesn't strike me as the tolerant type._

_All this sneaking around is extremely stressful. I probably deserve some sort of award for enduring it._

****

Rick and Vyvyan sat on the sofa, pretending to watch TV. They were really waiting for Mike to finally, _finally_ leave the house. Neil had been gone all day, who knew where he was and who cared? They only knew they wanted Mike _out._ _Now._

"Well boys," Mike said, gathering his newspaper under his arm and heading for the door, "I'm off." He stopped just before the door and looked back at them, "Behave yourselves."

Rick snorted and Vyvyan flipped him a V, and Mike shook his head and left.

The front door clicked closed and Vyvyan practically leapt onto Rick, pressing him against the arm of the sofa and shoving their mouths together. Rick was unprepared for the suddenness of the attack, but it was very different from their first time on the sofa. Rick grasped back at him as they kissed frantically, pulling him close and directing one of Vyvyan's hands to his belt. Vyvyan had just got it unbuckled when the front door opened and closed again. Immediately, Vyvyan went from kissing to hitting, pulling away and smacking Rick rather harder than he really needed to, sending him flying off the sofa. Rick growled, jumping to his feet and sneering at Vyvyan like he was the lowest creature imaginable before picking up a nearby book from the coffee table and whacking him over the head with it.

Mike made his way over to the kitchen table quickly, retrieved his forgotten sunglasses, and headed back out the door, shaking his head again; this time at their blatantly transparent display.

They went right back to kissing as soon as he was gone.

****

 _Chez Mike's_ was hopping, as usual. Rick was sitting on the floor under the front window, people-watching, mixed drink in hand - he'd discovered he could handle two or three of them in a night if he paced himself, though he was quite loopy after only one. He was on his second. Vyvyan came over and sat down next to him. Rick smiled at him drunkenly. Vyvyan leaned over and spoke in a whisper out of the side of his mouth.

"Let's go out to the garden."

"Why?" Rick whispered back. They really didn't need to whisper at all, the party was so loud they could barely hear each other. But Vyvyan had started it, so Rick played along.

"It's a pretty warm night, people keep going out there to snog. There's a whole group of them out there. Might be fun."

" _What?_ " Rick's whisper got quieter, but a lot more aggressive, "Of _course_ we can't do that, how could you even suggest it?"

"Come on, get the stick out of your arse. It's a party, people snog at parties."

" _Straight_ people snog at parties, Vyvyan, what if one of your friends were to see you?"

Vyvyan shrugged, "Might get some of 'em to stop talking to me, I don't see a downside. Come on, let's go."

"No!" Rick hissed, "There are _people_ out there!"

"I know," Vyvyan hissed back, "People who are far too busy snogging their brains out to notice somebody else going out there and doing the same."

"We can't-" Rick paused to wait for a partygoer, who was paying literally no attention to them whatsoever, to walk past them, "We can't risk it. Setting aside for the moment that we'd be seen by a bunch of complete strangers, which frankly is bad enough."

Vyvyan snorted and Rick glared at him.

" _If that weren't bad enough_ , what's to stop Mike and Neil from seeing?"

"Are you mad?" Vyvyan said somewhat loudly, and Rick shushed him. Vyvyan rolled his eyes and lowered his voice, "Do you really think either of them would even set foot out there? Neil's certainly not getting any, not that I can tell, and Candi isn't even here tonight, who's Mike going to snog with - _Neil?_ "

Rick wrinkled his nose in disgust, "Eugh, _stop,_ you'll put me off the mood altogether. Why do we have to go out _there_ anyway? Why can't we just go up to my room?"

"We _always_ go up to your room, it's _boring._ Come on, isn't the idea of snogging in the midst of a group of snogging strangers even a little appealing? Tap into your inner exhibitionist for fuck's sake."

Rick responded by sulking and Vyvyan rolled his eyes again. An idea struck him.

"You know," he said casually, as if he were changing the subject, "A couple of blokes snogging in the garden would be pretty anarchic. Transgressive, even."

Rick threw down his drink, grabbed Vyvyan's hand, and dragged him out to the garden.

The garden was dim and quiet, aside from the various sounds of lips smacking against one another and occasional whispers and satisfied sighs. The only light cast was from the kitchen window, and the light of the moon, bathing everyone in an unearthly glow that took a while to adjust one's eyes to. They made their way around the engrossed couples, indeed ignored by literally everyone, found an empty corner at the back of the garden, and got to it. Rick was hesitant at first; even with Vyvyan attempting to stick his tongue down his throat, he kept glancing around at the rest of the garden out of the corner of his eye. But no one looked at them at all, and it seemed as though Rick was the only one in the garden who cared that they were out there. Eventually he gave in and let Vyvyan press him up against the garden fence, grinding his already developing hard-on into Rick's thigh. Rick closed his eyes and enjoyed it, tangling his tongue with Vyvyan's and clinging to his neck. After a few minutes, it really was very exciting. The chance of _actually_ being caught, of being _seen_ by people he didn't know and would never see again, sparked something in Rick that he hadn't known was there. And all these people, all the sounds around him, it was rather like snogging to a porn video or something.

He opened his eyes again, while Vyvyan worked to suck a massive hickey onto his neck. There was a couple just near them, right in front of them, in fact, sitting on the edge of his stargazing spot. He could see the bloke's face clearly, and he was actually rather attractive. He had his hand up his girlfriend's skirt, and from the way he was moving, he had to be finger-fucking her. She was sitting on his lap, leaned backwards on her elbows onto the concrete. He was bent over her, kissing her lips, her neck. Rick really wasn't attracted to her at all, but the sound of her breathing in short, soft little gasps was turning him on quite effectively. He wondered what it would be like to be her, imagined their switching bodies for just a moment. He was as hard as Vyvyan now. He grabbed Vyvyan's hand and moved it over his cock outside his trousers. He felt Vyvyan grin into his neck, and Vyv grasped it a moment before shoving his hand down Rick's trousers and into his pants. Rick had to bite back a moan as Vyvyan jerked him off, slow and steady, without even opening his fly. Rick couldn't believe he'd resisted this - it was quite possibly the sexiest thing they'd ever done.

He bucked into Vyvyan's hand, clinging to his shoulder, eyes closed, focused on the hand on his cock, and the erection still humping his thigh, and the sounds of that girl, a complete stranger, getting off just next to him. He heard her breath quicken, and his cock pulsed.

'Going to come, are you?' he thought, 'I'll race you.'

He kissed Vyvyan hard, desperately trying to keep from making too much noise but still releasing little whimpers here and there. The girl was clearly in the same predicament, her little mewling sounds clearly being muffled by her clamping her lips together. He opened his eyes again and saw the bloke increase his pace, just as Vyvyan increased his. This was intense - it was like being fucked by both of them at once. Fucking a strange man by proxy in the garden while his favorite housemate milked his cock. Oh god. He heard her gasp out loud just as the first shudder made its way through his body. He had no idea whether it was sheer coincidence or whether knowledge of her orgasm had sparked his, but it didn't matter - he was coming _hard_.

He screwed his eyes shut and tried as hard as he could not to shout. He whined into Vyvyan's shoulder instead, barely audible. Vyvyan hissed rapid encouragement, merely a hot breath into his ear, while waves of pleasure washed over him.

"Yesss, come for me girlie, that's right, that's my pretty boy, come all over my fucking hand, good boy, does my pretty boy feel good? _Fuck_ -"

He cut himself off as his grinding stopped and he pressed himself even harder against Rick's body, releasing a few restrained whimpers himself. Rick smiled to himself as he faded into afterglow - it seemed Vyvyan had come, too. It didn't surprise him - Vyvyan had said _it_ again, it was always a sign he was close.

Rick wasn't sure when Vyv had started using that particular phrase - 'my pretty boy' - he only knew he used it often now, only ever when they were at the height of passion, and it was _intensely_ _arousing_. Rick often wondered what it could mean, ' _my_ pretty boy'. Did Vyvyan think of Rick as his now? Had he always? Had he ever? Did he really think Rick was pretty? He was always calling him ugly, did he mean it or not? Just what _were_ they to each other, anyway? Was Vyvyan his, too? So many unanswered questions, so many un _asked_ questions, too fearful of the answer, too fearful of no answer at all, too fearful of a strong verbal or physical rebuke _instead_ of an answer. So much easier to just let Vyvyan take what he wanted, when he wanted, and not question it. So much easier to let Vyvyan say what he would, and then do the exact opposite. So much easier to drop to his knees without saying a word and let his hands do the talking. So much easier - and so very difficult.

After collecting himself, Vyvyan slowly pulled his hand back out of Rick's trousers and licked a bit of Rick's cum off of it before wiping the rest on his shirt. Rick watched him close his eyes, watched the wave of pleasure wash over his face as he savored the taste. Moz, he wished he could know what Vyvyan was thinking. What he was _really_ thinking. Was this a game to him? Was it serious? He clearly enjoyed it, he clearly got something…meaningful out of it. But what? Was it only the sex? Could Rick have been anyone? Would any willing mouth, any willing cock, have done?

_Did Vyvyan love him as much as he loved Vyvyan? Did Vyvyan love him at all?_

No answers. Only the leap of joy in his stomach as Vyvyan leaned in and they kissed softly, tenderly. They smiled at each other through the kisses.

"Didn't think we'd get _that_ far out here," Rick whispered, leaning his forehead against Vyvyan's, savoring that feeling of Vyv's stars digging into his skin. Vyvyan breathed a laugh.

"Got carried away. What can I say, you're an ugly bastard, but I can't resist making you come," Vyvyan's mischievous smile melted Rick's heart. Who cared what this was? He only wanted it to go on forever.

The garden door swung open, spilling more light onto the pile of writhing bodies. Rick looked over Vyvyan's shoulder, distracted by the sudden light, and froze.

" _SHIT!"_ he whispered, and Vyvyan jumped.

"What?" he started to turn around and Rick stopped him.

"No, no, no, don't look! It's _Neil_! With a _girl_! What's he _doing_ out here?"

Well that was obvious. He watched in horror as Neil led the hippie girl trailing behind him to a spot just beyond the door, sat down in the grass with her, and started snogging away.

"He's between us and the door!" he whispered urgently, "We'll never get back into the house!"

"Seriously?" Vyvyan did look this time, and Rick looked on, in a helpless panic.

"Well fuck," Vyvyan whispered, "Garden gate then?"

They looked over at it - no good. There was a pair of punk kids leaning up against it, currently. Besides, it was all the way across the garden, along the back fence.

"We'd never get over there without being seen," Rick hissed, "It'd cause too much commotion!"

Vyvyan glanced around, at a loss as to how they'd possibly escape. He peered behind the bush they were leaning next to - there was enough space.

"Come here," he whispered, dragging Rick to the ground. They crawled under the bush, branches scratching at their faces and arms. There was just enough room to accommodate them, trapped between the bush and the fence.

"What now?" Rick asked, after Vyvyan had sat down.

"Now we wait for the party to be over," Vyvyan said, resigned.

Rick pouted. He couldn't think of a better solution either. He sat down next to Vyvyan and snuggled into Vyvyan's shoulder. Vyvyan put his arm around him, and there they sat - for a very long time.

They woke to a spray of cold water. It was morning, light streaming in through the bush and over the fence. The water was from the garden hose. Rick squinted up at the figure holding the hose, standing next to the fence - it was Mike. Fuck.

"Get up, you idiots," Mike said, "What the fuck are you even doing back - no, don't answer that, I don't want to know. Just get out of there, I've got assignments for both of you."

Rick leapt to his feet, "Eugh, Vyvyan, were you _snuggling_ with me? Disgusting, I'm going to need a bath!"

Vyvyan followed suit, clamoring to his feet as well, "Don't be ridiculous, _you_ were the one snuggled up to _me,_ you bloody poofter! Piss off!"

Vyvyan smacked him. Rick smacked back. Vyvyan shoved him against the fence. Rick picked up a garden tool and lunged.

Mike turned off the hose and walked away. "Oh, for fuck's sake," he muttered as he headed into the house. They couldn't even hear him over their own yelling.

****

It was the middle of the day, always the most dangerous time to try and get together. Mike and Neil were both home and awake, it was broad daylight, and there was absolutely NO reason for Vyvyan to be in Rick's room. They'd already been fighting downstairs, legitimately fighting actually, Rick had been irritating the shit out of Vyvyan all morning and they'd been trading words and blows for a couple of hours. So it was a very convenient excuse for Vyvyan to chase Rick upstairs and into his room, screaming and wielding a meat cleaver. Rick was legitimately terrified until they'd got up there, when Vyvyan slammed the door behind him, tossed the weapon aside and grabbed Rick's face in his hands.

"You drive me fucking bonkers, you ugly bastard, I can barely fucking stand you," he'd said, and kissed the rest of his frustration right out of himself. And then right back into himself, though it was frustration of a different kind.

They'd been in Rick's room at least an hour now, stretching out the session as long as they possibly could. They were trying to be as quiet as humanly possible, and they thought they'd actually done quite a good job this time around. They'd finally got all their clothes off, and Rick was lounging next to Vyvyan on the bed, delighting in running his tongue along the underside of Vyvyan's cock. Downstairs, the phone rang. They ignored it - it was never for them anyway. Rick swallowed Vyvyan's cock and he gave just the slightest moan - so quiet. Vyvyan put a hand on Rick's head and pushed down, thrusting his hips up into Rick's mouth. Rick moaned softly around Vyvyan's cock - he loved it when Vyvyan did that. Neither of them heard Neil calling for Vyvyan until he was halfway up the stairs. Rick looked up at Vyvyan and Vyvyan shook his head.

"He'll go away when he can't find me," Vyvyan whispered, "Keep going."

Rick kept going. Vyvyan sighed in pleasure.

"Vyvyan," Neil's voice was very close – right outside from the sound of it, "Phone's for you."

They froze and watched each other anxiously. He was outside Rick's door all right – he just knocked on it.

"Come on, Vyv, she said to make sure you came to the phone."

Vyvyan nodded at Rick, and Rick disengaged, crawling under the covers and watching the door anxiously. Vyvyan threw on jeans and a t-shirt and popped his head out the door, making sure to open it as little as he could.

"How'd you know I was in here?"

Neil rolled his eyes and responded with sarcasm, "Well, you weren't in your room, and your car's here, bathroom's empty," his tone shifted to stern, "Of _course_ you're in there, you're _always_ in there, where _else_ would you be? Honestly, I don't see how you two find the time, or frankly the energy, to do _anything else_ , the amount of time you spend in there. Which reminds me, by the way, Mike says he's going to try and soundproof this wall, we haven't had a decent night's sleep in months and we're sick of it. Now come down and answer the phone, I'm waiting for a batch of HLUD cake to come out of the oven and I haven't got time to wait around all day for you two to manage to tear yourselves away from each other for ten seconds." He stalked back down the stairs, muttering irritatedly.

Vyvyan wasn't sure which part of this screed to be shocked by first. He turned and looked at Rick, whose eyes could not be any wider. They stared at each other for a moment.

"Well," Vyvyan said, "Apparently I've got a phone call."

He headed down the stairs in somewhat of a daze, and Rick watched him go, just as dazed if not moreso. A thousand moments of trying to keep the Thing With Vyvyan a secret flashed before his eyes. Hours and hours, _months_ of wasted time, sneaking, yelling, hiding, pretending to fight. Time they could have spent working, sleeping, fighting for fun, _fucking_ , if they hadn't been so busy trying to keep Mike and Neil from discovering something they clearly already knew; and _clearly_ couldn't give a shit about, other than the noise complaint. Huh. Tolerant housemates. Who'd have thought? He smiled. What a bloody relief.

Well, he knew one thing for sure - Mike had better soundproof that wall quick, because he was going to make Vyvyan scream his lungs out when he got back from the phone.

**Author's Note:**

> Wow, ok guys, I had really intended this one to be Teen rated when I started. Mature at the most. But the garden scene...it's like Vyvyan said, they just got carried away. Just goes to show, trying to write a make-out scene while listening to trip-hop is probably not a great idea...or is possibly _the best idea_. =P


End file.
